


What A Joke

by Starlightslaughter



Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon 1991), DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28569102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlightslaughter/pseuds/Starlightslaughter
Summary: Quackerjack X Raven readerYou're a raven from a long line of magic users- but also stern military-based lineage from your mother and fathers side. To escape the expectations of both sides you move to St. Canard. A little while later, something happens that releases dangerous supervillains into your world. Naturally, you don't want much to do with them- even if you had a crush on one. Unfortunately for you, Megavolt frequents your weekend job and enjoys irritating you.Mature content warning: contains panic attacks, poor mental health, phobias, violence, and sexual themes.
Relationships: Quackerjack/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	What A Joke

St. Canard had gotten interesting in the past few years. During this time Darkwing and several scientists had worked to rebuild the Ramrod in an attempt to get Goslyn's grandfather back. While the machine was slightly more stable this go-around, it was stuck in the Darkwing Duck universe. The fearsome four had once again been pulled from their reality and shoved into this one. St. Canard has become fairly dangerous and understandably lost quite a few residents- Darkwing Duck fans have thankfully replaced them to keep the economy afloat.

You, despite being a fan, hadn't signed up for this. You'd moved to St. Canard only 6 months before the incident. You'd wanted to distance yourself from your overbearing family- you loved them- but they put too much pressure on you. They just wanted you to be successful, but it got tiring how much they attempted to dictate your life. Half the family wanted you to be a doctor or go into the military, the other half was pressuring you to pursue magic or animation. Sure the later 2 were passions of yours and magic was in your blood- but making money off of it put stress into the mix. Basically, it ruined it.

So now here you were, working at a cafe three days a week and a bar during the weekends. It wasn't a huge chore, sometimes you didn't get called in to work the bar and you'd get extra time to yourself- which was nice. Since you worked under the table too you didn't have to pay taxes on it. Technically it was illegal to do so, but it was a small risk you were willing to take to avoid more damn math at the end of the year.

The fearsome four had put somewhat of a wrench in things as far as your life went- usually at the bar. It wasn't too terrible when Megavolt showed up, or the time he'd pulled Bushroot in with him- since he only ordered water and helped keep Megavolt under control. Problems started getting unmanageable when Liquidator showed up, however. You were a simple bird- you liked alternative music, didn't like starting the day without your favorite drink, and you were absolutely petrified of water. It wasn't your fault that you'd had a bad camping trip near the river and nearly drowned- and that your cousins didn't understand 'stop I'm drowning'- and that your uncle didn't know that 14 year old you wasn't strong enough to fight the riptide. Which lead to you making a scene when Liquidator showed up at one of the bar stools some months ago.

It had been going decent that night, it was rather empty- a little cold but the weather was good, and the partons that were there had been polite and quiet. Just causal drinkers and no one trying to get shit faced or crank up a football game loud enough to make the countertop vibrate. You were trying to clean up a stubborn water ring when the three had walked in, not even noticing with how hard you'd been cleaning. When Megavolt whistled to you (something you didn't particularly like), you had pulled your attention to him- rolling your eyes and then freezing up and dropping your rag as you spotted the water dog. Obviously by the look on your face and the way your feathers puffed up Megavolt had noticed your fear.

"Aye, what's the matter toots? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Megavolt snickered to himself a bit before squinting at you and leaning forward when you didn't respond. It took him a moment to draw a line in the air, connecting your eyesight to his dog companion. "Are you scared of Liquidator?" He turned to the other, "You lucky dog! Normally little birdie over here just scoffs and rolls her eyes at me! At least one of us gets some respect around here!"

A violent shiver ran through your body as soon as you were able to move again, you really didn't have anything against the pun making villian- just what he was made of. You could feel your heart pound harder in your chest and your hands begin to shake slightly. After taking a deep breath you picked up your rag, tossed it in a bin labeled 'dirty', and walked over to the three- trying not to look or think about Liquidator.

"So wh-At are you three drinking tonight?" You winced at your voice crack, looking at Bushroot as he was the one you were most comfortable with. You cleared your throat before speaking to him. "The usual for you Bush?" The plant being nodded to you and you quickly got him water with a little sugar and half an ice-cube. He gladly took the drink and motioned for a straw, -you opening it and placing it in his drink for him.

"I'll have the usual as well- what about you Liquidator?" He was amused by the fact you'd been trying to avoid looking at the last of the trio, bringing your attention to him as quickly as he could- hoping to get a bit more entertainment from the interaction.

"Hmm- I believe I'll just have an Old Fashioned. Care to tell me what makes you afraid of me? My wit? My impressive size? Perhaps my amazing powers?" Liquidator placed his finger under his chin and tilted his head in a curious and thinking expression. You looked at him out of reflex and couldn't help the violent twitch as your stomach lurched. Watching the water droplets fall off him only to join right back into his liquid body. Your throat felt dry and sore when he asked you why you were afraid of him. Deciding not to answer right away you held up a finger as you started to prepare the Margarita and the Old fashioned, deciding to use it as an excuse while you tried to even out your breathing. It didn't help much by the time you set the drinks down in front of the two villains. Megavolt piped in again as you did so, making you and Liquidator turn your attentions to the rat.

"Cat got your tongue? C'mon- it's rude to leave a guy hangin'. What's got you so spooked of my dear pal here?" Just as you were about to pull your hand away from the glasses and respond, Liquidator -whose attention was still on the electric rodent- placed his hand over yours. A mix between a yelp and a shriek left your mouth as you harshly pulled your hand away. You slipped on some part of a drink you'd spilled without noticing and fell backward, hitting your head on the small metal counter where some of the liquor bottles were sitting. With a loud clang and rattle of glass, you ended up on your ass on the ground, holding your head and shaking badly. At first Megavolt laughed at you, the three of them leaning over the bartop to look at you. Liquidator let out a sympathetic 'ouch' as he and Bushroot winced. Megavolts tune soon changed once he realized you weren't making any move to get up, and were hyperventilating somewhat. "Woah dang- that must've hurt. You really that scared of the big guy huh? You uh.. don't need any help do you?"

You were one of the only bartenders that'd never refused Megavolt service, or forced him to threaten them in order to get a drink. And despite being obnoxious and annoying most days, he'd appreciated that fact. He couldn't help getting enjoyment out of you getting so scared- but now he got the feeling things had gone a bit too far. The rat was mostly worried about having to find a new bar to go to though. Most citizens were pretty durable and he'd seen you take a few punches from drunken patrons twice your size- so Megz didn't think hitting your head was a big deal to worry over.

"I-" You attempted a reply but felt like you were suffocating, so you stopped yourself. It took you a while and you could sense the tension in the room rising- could hear the other bar inhabitants leaving in a rush due to the scene and not wanting to get involved with supervillains. The blood was rushing in your ears but your breathing calmed enough for you to speak and your shaking was much less violent as you sighed. "I'm aquaphobic-" you let out a huff "It's nothing against you Liquidator- I read the Darkwing comics as a kid and saw how brutal your fights got- how you'd nearly drowned Darkwing a few times.. I've had to have CPR performed on me more times then I like to admit due drowning accidents. You just give me this feeling of terror like when my lungs filled with water so many times." When you stood up you were still shaking, using your hand to hood your eyes as you made your way to the opening that leads to the back and the breakroom. "Now- now if you excuse me, I'm going to go be meek and pathetic in the breakroom and ice my head. Sorry. I guess I should say please don't steal anything and don't worry about paying for your drinks. On the house- I just can't work right now"

Bushroot gave you a pitying look and Megavolt couldn't help but feel bad. Liquidator himself was actually feeling a bit self-conscious as he looked down at his glass. Scaring people on purpose was one thing, but doing it on accident left a bitter taste in the villain's mouth sometimes.

"Yikes- if I'd known I wouldn't have teased about it. Should... we leave? Or should we stay and make sure she's okay" Megavolt leaned back and glanced between Bushroot and Liquidator, a frown on his face.

"I think maybe I should leave- I don't want her to freak out again so soon. Sounds like she's got some serious trauma." To that Bushroot shook his head, signing to the other's that it'd only make you feel guilty if he left without them.

"So stay it is then. Let's give it about 20 minutes and if she don't come back out by then, Bushroot goes in and checks on er'. I get the feeling she wouldn't be too glad to see me after bullying her about her PTSD." The others nodded to that, taking sips of their drinks and idly chatting while they waited for your return.

You had gone into the breakroom in the back and beat yourself up pretty badly. Scolding yourself for acting like an idiot- pouring out your weakness like that. Then again Megavolt probably would have pried about it if you didn't spill everything right away. The thought that three supervillains knew one of your worst fears didn't sit too well with you. Sure, you still saw them as people too- but that didn't mean you overlooked their powers and abilities. After about 15 minutes you decided to get back up and out to the front to see if the others were still there. Laying down hadn't made you feel much better anyway. Your head was just dully throbbing and you felt drained, practically able to feel the bags under your eyes. You winced a little when you heard them still at the bar, but went back out anyways because of guilt. You were still shaking a bit but ignored it and the fear you felt. The Liquidator was the first to speak to you after they quieted down having noticed your return.

"I'd like to make it known I would never hurt my bartender. Very few places want to serve us as you imagine and I appreciate the fact you have- even despite your fear of water." You spared a glance up at Liquidator, who'd placed his hand over where his heart would be. It made your mind settle a little bit but not your body. The next to pipe up was Megavolt.

"Yeah and sorry for bullyin' you about it- I didn't realize how scared you really were. I mean- I probably wouldda still teased a little- but I think you get my point. Swear I'll try not to do it again" You let out a sigh and gave Megavolt a desperately tired smirk as he held up one hand and used the other to cross over his heart. Bushroot grabbed your attention next and signed 'are you ok?' to you.

"Thanks- I feel really bad about it- but irrational fears are irrational, y'know? I just can't help being afraid of water. Pretty dumb of me to move to a city surrounded by it then, huh?" You chuckled "And yeah, I'm ok Bushroot- glad I'm not working tomorrow so I can lay in bed and die. I'm surprised I didn't cut my head open when I fell like an idiot. Should probably make sure I don't have a concussion before I get to sleep tonight- otherwise I might not be waking up. I don't think you'd be as entertained by the other barkeeps." Megavolt leaned forward energetically, getting nearer to you in response to the dying part.

"Oh absolutely not! Like we said half of them don't even serve us! It'd be really disappointing to have to find a replacement." You scoffed a little and the other two nodded in agreement. It was nice that they somewhat cared for your well-being, even if it was more for their own personal gain than from their hearts.

For a little bit the four of you made idle chat, Liquidator trying to not bring a lot of attention to himself, and you doing your best to mask the twitches and shivers your body made. By the time you'd poured Megavolt and Liquidator their second-round -Bushroot was on his third water- the conversation had turned back to you, specifically you bringing up how you'd read Darkwing Duck comics as a kid. Megavolt couldn't help interrogating you with his newfound interest.

"So- since Liquidator is the one you hate the most- which of our little gang do you like the most?" He casually leaned on the bar, taking a sip of his drink and waiting for your reply. Liquidator frowned for a moment and Bushroot tilted his head in curiosity.

"Huh? Oh, no I don't hate Liquidator at all! Uhhh.. oh, what's that mustard colored jerks name- The head honcho- ugh, OH- Nega Duck! God what a stupid name for such an ass. All around terrible based on our universe's comics and shows at least. Sorry if you guys are buddy-buddy with him in reality." Liquidator had perked up again hearing that you didn't hate him. The three seemed a little unnerved at the mention of the old boss- which you assumed meant that they didn't like him either. 

"Oh, definitely the worst of the worst right there! I can't tell you how horrible he was- almost blew us up more times than I can count!" Megavolt shook his head and took a longer sip of his drink. "But that doesn't answer my question- I've been on the internet in this universe a few times. Which meaaans~" You, Liquidator, and Bushroot all looked to the rat in confusion a moment. You however understood what he was getting at a moment later, your eyes widening and your cheeks flushing. You raised a finger at him- about to angrily protest and tell him to shut it- but he beat you to the punch. "You must have a crush on one of us! I know it's not me- Not liquidator since the water thing- and while you're sweet on Bushroot I don't think I've ever seen you show interest in him like that. LEAVING QU-" You admitted your guilt by grabbing Megavolts snout and holding it closed. He gave you a giant grin while you glared daggers in return. With a smug look he casually brought up a finger and gave you a light zap, making you let him go. "Who would have thought, a raven and a clown." He snickered at you as you blushed and frowned more.

"I am not responsible for whatever feelings I had as a child towards any fictional characters. Even if I did think that way about him- it doesn't count because none of you were real people to me until a few years ago! That'd be extremely weird for me to still like him despite not knowing him-" All three were giving you an amused look now as your face heated up. Megavolt decided to add on to your torment.

"Whatever you say- Guess I'll just have to bring QuackerJack in with us next time and test out your reactions."

"DO NOT- I don't get paid enough. Besides, isn't QuackerJack crazy and.. annoying? How do you expect me to handle four supervillains? You're gonna kill me here..." You let out a sigh and pondered a moment. "If you bring him I'm calling you Sparky from now on- and every other nickname he calls you that you hate" He laughed at that and finished his drink, eyes determined as he looked at you again.

"I can handle that. Worthy trade to watch you throw a fit when you see that clown."


End file.
